Cat's Cradle/Transcript
Skipper: Eyes on the prize Kowalski, crack this new habitat control system and we'll be swimming in all the fish we can stomach! * Rico: FI-I-ISH!!! Kowalski: I'm trying but this is the most advanced encryption I've ever seen. It's got sudoku with fractions! * Skipper: Did you try inputting the master code? * Kowalski: 1-2-3-4-5. * Kowalski: Dah! Nothing! * Skipper: Hmm. Run it backwards. * Kowalski: *5-4-3-2-1*? * Kowalski: AAIEE! * Skipper: Okay, now try starting at 3 and-- * Rico: FI-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-ISH!!!!! * Kowalski: Wow, we're in! * Skipper: Way to hack that mainframe Rico! * Private: Skipper, look! There's a scary man! * Skipper: (guilty) Well boys, looks like they finally tracked me down. Those Danes really know how to hold a grudge. * Max: (overjoyed) Penguins! * Skipper: Moon Cat! * Max: It's uh... Max. And you know... I'm not really from the moon... * Skipper: Yes, but the name just works. * Max: Yeah that's great, now help me! * Max: --Hide me! SAVE ME!! * Kowalski: We are in your debt from the exceptional hospitality you showed us on our Lunar Mission. * Private: Are the Danes after you too? * Max: Huh? No! It's Animal Control! They're onto me!Do you know what those maniacs do to stray cats? DO YOU?!! * Rico: Uh-uh. * Max: Me neither. * Skipper: Well you're not gonna find out tonight. Let's roll, boys! So how many enemy agents are we talking about? Because if it's more than a baker's dozen, we may need to jumbo brass knuckles! And... knuckles. * Max: (hysterically) We're doomed!! We're doomed!! We're doomed!! We're DOOOOOOOOOOOMED!! * Skipper: Steady... * Max: So doomed. * Officer X: Time to put out the cat. * Max: (embarrassed) Aw geez. I "hairballed" myself... * Skipper: (patronizingly) Just one human? That's not combat, that's a playdate! Rico! * Officer X: Penguins... Nature's rule-breakers. Birds are suppose to fly, but no, you gotta swim instead. You think you're above the laws of nature, punks? Huh? Do ya? * Kowalski: (whispers to Skipper) Rancho Cucamonga. * Skipper: Private; Kowalski, on me! HI-YAH! * Kowalski: MAMA-MAKE-A-BUTTER-BISCUIT-GRAVY-GRAVY-BONGO(E)S!!!!! * Officer X: (he comes over to Max with a cage over him) You're pound cake, kitty. * Skipper: Kowalski, options! * Kowalski: Strategic retreat, Skipper? * Skipper: Explain. * Kowalski: It's like running away, but manlier. * Skipper: *Execute*. * Officer X: Interfering with Animal Control buisness. Just like a penguin. * Kowalski: Once you hit the sewers, find an alligator, named "Roger", and give him this secret code phrase: "Help me. Oh, please. Please help me. For the sweet love of mother mercy, please help me escape the Animal Control Officer who's chasing me.". (pause) He'll know what it means. * Max: (greatfully) You birds are the best! * Skipper: Stay solid, compadre. Well done, men. Mission accompl--What in the name of candied yams? * Max: Booby traps! Everywhere! * Skipper: Sweet science of boxing! He's sealed off the entire perimeter! The man knows his technique. * Max: We gotta run! * Skipper: Escape is no longer an option, my feline friend. We'll have to hide you in the zoo 'til "Johnny Law" cools his heels. * Max: Anything you say! My 9 lives are in your hands! Hoo, boy. There's, uh... (breathes) not much, uh, fresh air in here, eh? (coughs) * Kowalski: Try to conserve oxygen by shutting down any unnecessary brain functions. * Skipper: Rico, show him how it's done. * Skipper: Just keep it down and everythign will be OK. * King Julien: Ha ha! Midnight bounce party! Ain't no bouncy like a midnight bouncy 'cause the midnight bouncy don't-- Huh. Hey, the royal bouncy is very screamy tonight. (bounces again) I must bounce with extra violence to release the trapped spirits! Maurice, bring the spirit plunger! We've got a clogger! * Max: Why are we doing this again? * Kowalski: We're leaving your scent in this habitat as bait. Mr. Animal Control comes in, Joey the foul-tempered kangaroo takes him out. * Max: OK * Officer X: Pure kitty. No buts about it. * Officer X: I fell too far behind. They must've shaken my tail, taken the rear exit, cut around the backside. This ends here. * Skipper: What's wrong with Private? I haven't seen him like this since our mission to Butztown, PA. * Joey: Oi! You, ratbag! Joey don't like trespassers in his bizzo, mate! You not hearing, then? Joey's gonna have to teach you to listen, eh? * Skipper: You think he'd teach me that move? * Skipper: Update me, chimp. * Mason: (exhausted) Ugh. He simply isn't human. No man can take that much poo without dropping. * Max: What're we gonna do?! I ain't never been in a pound before! * Private: Maybe it's not so bad. You never know till you visit. * Kowalski: (looking at a Zoo Brochure) I'm out of ideas, Skipper. He's tracked us through every hiding place in the zoo. * Mason: Ah, Phil asks if you've tried the "Red Rhodesian Slasher" exhibit. * Kowalski: There's no "Red Rhodesian Slasher" on the charts. * Mason: Felinas Infernis. An ultra-rare, incredibly vicious wildcat. The habitat is ready, but the beast itself has yet to arrive. It could be an ideal hiding spot. * Skipper: A red wildcat, eh? You may be more right than you know, primates. * Private: Skipper? * Skipper: Sometimes the best place to hide is in plain sight. Alright, Moon Cat. Now lets see how good your "vicious" is. * Max: Growl. Snarl. I'm hissing here! * Officer X:: (groans) Trail's gone cold. * Max: YES! * ♪Hey pokey, you choke-ied!♪ * ♪You really failed your duty!♪ * ♪You're never gonna touch my little kitty ka-booty!♪ * Max: Uh oh... * Skipper: He's blown his own cover! * Alice: Why didn't anybody tell me you'd arrived? * Officer X: Step back, ma'am. Officer X, Animal Control. * Skipper: Let's see how this plays out. * Alice: (sarcastically) "X." Is that the name your mommy gave you? * Officer X: Mother never told me my real name, said it was classified. Now turn over the stray cat or face the full power of the Metropolitan Sub-Bureau of Animal Control and Pretzel Cart Regulation! * Alice: (Patronizingly) Stray cat? Ha! This is the male Rhodesian Slasher we've been waiting weeks for! * Officer X: But... * Alice: (walks away with Max) Oh my, that female Slasher's going to be happy to see you! They get so cranky when they're lonely! * Max: I'm gonna-- WHAT?! * Kowalski: Female? Cranky? * Skipper: Still playing out... * Officer X: That feline is a known fugitive and a menace to-- * Alice: In you got to the kitty love nest! * Max: Oh, boy. * Alice: (sighs) Isn't nature magical? * Officer X: You know what, ma'am? It is. I think I'll just sit here and wait in case nature decides to make a break for it. * Alice: Whatever floats your boat, weirdo. * Skipper: OK, this may have played out a little too much. * Max: You gotta get me outta here. This kitten's nuts! * Kowalski: Apparently, the Rhodesian Slasher has a painfully intense, very elaborate courtship ritual. The good news is, most fatalities don't occur until the fifth week! * Max: I can't take 5 weeks of this! What am I gonna do?! * Skipper: Time for a kitty jailbreak. Private, execute a Foamy Lips Subterfuge, Mark 7! * Officer X: Huh? * Mort: Arf, arf! (growls) I am the rabies! Ha-ha-ha! * Officer X: (chuckles confidently) Rabid chihuahua. The greatest Animal Control threat known to man! * Mort: Mmm! I like diseases! * Officer X: What the?! * Skipper: Here we go. This is for all the marbles, boys! * Officer X: Gotcha! * Alice: (screams) My Felinus Infernus! They've escaped! * Officer X: "They?" * Max: (joins the penguins on the zoo walls) Take good care of my lady, OK, big guy? G'bye now! * Officer X: Paint? Oh, poo. * Skipper: Nice stripe work, Rico. You've got the brushstroke of a Renaissance Master. * Max: I can't thank you birds enough! * Skipper: Consider it a debt repaid, old friend. Enjoy your freedom. * Max: Sure thing, but uh... Isn't the whole outside wall still wired with Sgt. Psycho's booby traps? * Skipper: We've got a man on it. * Mort: I'm expendable! (hits another trap) Yaaay! Category:Episode transcripts Category:Transcripts